The Coming Pokemon War

It’s been about 6 weeks since the gates to the digital demon domain were opened and the GEOINT Pokémon monsters were unleashed out of Alphabet’s laboratories and into the wild.

You might think I’m joking as you read this story, but please click the links. This is very real.

What has been the impact so far from these sprites?

The lines between real reality and virtual reality are blurring chaotically, and sometimes fatally.

It is similar to H G Wells’ infamous Psyop novel, War of the Worlds. Except that these monsters from the imaginary realm of augmented reality really are generating extraordinary disruption on the planet. This is something never seen before, an occult super-weapon unleashed against humanity. We were not consulted and we are powerless to stop it.

And they’re just getting started. Generation 2 is about to be released.



trump pokemon

It’s so big that it has lost 15 million Daily Active Users and is still a mass phenomenon.

Pokemon Go already beat Twitter in Daily Active Users and Facebook in User Engagement Time. It is bigger than Tinder – Gizmodo said this proves “a stronger force than love, is chasing monsters”.Both Tinder and Grindr users have incorporated Pokemons in their courtship rituals – “Pokemon Go and Blow” is the new “Netflix and Chill”. There are at least 5 dedicated Pokemon dating apps.


Image: SimilarWeb, via Gizmodo
Image: SimilarWeb, via Gizmodo


As long ago as last September, Google said there were 1.4 billion Android devices. If Pokemon is on 5% of them, that is 70 million people. Add in all the iPhone users too. According to Wikipedia [8/26/16] 130 million people have downloaded Pokemon Go.

Screenshot 2016-08-26 18.33.01
Source: World Population Clock

that’s how serious this is. 1.75% of the world’s population are interacting with these death-dealing demons from the digital domain.

Demons DELIVERING Dollars

Although the game is free, it made an estimated $200 million in its first month.

It also doubled the value of Nintendo, making it briefly bigger than Sony

Nintendo got a $21 billion payback in market cap from a $10 million investment, in just 2 years. There are some very smart, very rich, very powerful brains sitting behind these trillions of Pokemons.

Source: Wall Street Journal
Source: Wall Street Journal

Nintendo then posted a prior Quarter loss, which dropped the stock back down to earth.

Screenshot 2016-08-23 13.52.29

They’re still up around $10 billion, and sitting on a goldmine. As is Mr Hanke, kudos to that guy who is now surely a multi-billionaire.

It’s obvious, but as a South Park fan, impossible to resist…

Where did this come from?

In 2004 Google spent a bargain-basement $35 million to acquire the CIA and NGA-funded Keyhole satellite imagery system, which made a name for itself providing CNN visuals during Gulf War 2. This was one of the first big successful exits for In-Q-Tel, the CIA venture capital arm behind such spectacular spying successes as the $20 $12.7 billion Palantir and Recorded Future. Google used Burning Man as one of its main testing sites to develop the technology, which became Google Earth, Maps, and other consumer front ends to the impressive geospatial capabilities of their artilect.

Note the super-occult logo
Note the super-occult logo

In 2010 CEO and UC Berkeley Graduate John Hanke was given leeway to create Niantic Labs deep in the secret satellite imagery and Quantum Quackery heart of the GooglePlex and its surrounding plexes. When Google said “now call us Alphabet”, they spun Niantic Labs out of Google with a private money round of $30 million. Google, Pokemon Corporation, and Nintendo all invested in Niantic, presumably $10 million each.

Nintendo owns 32% of Pokemon Corporation and 100% of the trademark.

The Pokemon Go GEOINT-based technology was first rolled out as a game called Ingress, 4 years ago. Ingress was also a smash hit, with 7 million players in 2015.

Google first hinted at the deal with an “ironic” April Fools Day Pokemon release in 2014.

Compare the high budget “joke” trailer (actually published March 31):

with the actual release, which looks more like Nike-mon

The release was staggered because server load was impacted. This was the fastest application user growth ever recorded. Australia and New Zealand were the first to get the innovation (just like Women Voting, and Political Correctness).

One player quickly caught all Pokemon to complete the North American Poké-Dex – 142 different monsters, requiring a total of 4,269 demons to be collected in their smartphone and 100 miles of walking. There are still 9 “elusive” Pokemons out there, beyond the 142. Nobody (well, nobody outside of Google, Nintendo, Niantic, NSA, CIA, NGA, FBI, PRISM, 5 EYES, etc) knows where these 9 demons are or what they are doing…but there are millions of people across the nation ready to go looking for them if there’s a hint they might be around.



The security issues with Pokemon Go were exposed by Adam Reeve, who pointed out that it forces you to sign up for Google and wave your privacy goodbye:

To say I was a little stunned is putting it lightly – it said:

Pokemon Go has full access to your Google account

Here are a couple of excerpts from the Google help page about what this means:

When you grant full account access, the application can see and modify nearly all information in your Google Account

This “Full account access” privilege should only be granted to applications you fully trust, and which are installed on your personal computer, phone, or tablet. 

Let me be clear – Pokemon Go and Niantic can now:

  • Read all your email
  • Send email as you
  • Access all your Google drive documents (including deleting them)
  • Look at your search history and your Maps navigation history
  • Access any private photos you may store in Google Photos
  • And a whole lot more

What’s more, given the use of email as an authentication mechanism (think “Forgot password” links) they now have a pretty good chance of gaining access to your accounts on other sites too.

And they have no need to do this – when a developer sets up the “Sign in with Google” functionality they specify what level of access they want – best practices (and simple logic) dictate you ask for the minimum you actually need, which is usually just simple contact information. 

Reeve gave the spies a pass on spying, with the Hillary Clinton defense:

Now, I obviously don’t think Niantic are planning some global personal information heist. This is probably just the result of epic carelessness.

Sure. John Hanke came out of a National Geospatial Intelligence Agency satellite spy project which debuted during the Iraq war on global TV, then was spun out to a CIA-funded startup. This was acquired by Google and integrated into their consumer product line. Their beta test of his new technology platform in 2010 was a game that more than 12 million people downloaded. He worked with Google’s advanced research division for more than 10 years, located at Moffett Field with the NASA Ames Research Center, Lockheed Martin Space & Missile Systems and the Army’s 7th Psychological Operations Group. The chairman of the company is on the Pentagon’s advisory board, they are the world’s largest manufacturer of military robots, and their corporate airline has fighter jets. It never occurred to these people at any time that it would be possible to use Geospatial intelligence and personal data from mobile devices for spying purposes. They were just being careless!

google fighter jet gizmodo

Eric Schmidt told a packed audience at Further Future 2016 that the Pentagon had advised him to wear this laser-proof vest. Image: Burners.Me
Eric Schmidt told the crowd at Further Future 2016 that the Pentagon had advised him to wear this laser-proof vest.
Image: Burners.Me


It’s not just Reeve promoting this kind of magical thinking. Some developers think Niantic/Google “didn’t know” that their API could be easily exploited.


Part of the Pokemon Game is suicide bombers. I’m sure nobody ever noticed that in due diligence, either.

Image: Wikia



“Pokemon Go Deaths” already has its own Twitter and Snopes. Of course Snopes has to create a page debunking it, since it is completely true. This is what we have Snopes for, covering the tracks of CIA and DARPA projects.

VICE  released an episode on the “Apokelypse”

75 deaths or crimes so far. 9 stabbings. 14 shootings. Attacks with hammers, cars, and even bear spray. People are crashing cars into police vehicles, and wanted criminals are finding themselves in police stations from chasing Pokemons.

The mischevious imps led players of all ages to a hotel in downtown Phoenix that was packed full of registered sex offenders.

It seems the demons just love to laughingly bounce their way up trees, into deep mud and into tiger enclosures at the zoo.

The American Red Cross have prepared a Pokemon Survival Guide.

The NYPD have issued safety tips for Pokemon players

– Be alert at all times
– Stay aware of your surroundings
– Play in pairs or as a group to ensure your safety
– Do not drive or ride your bike, skateboard, or other device while interacting with the app…you can’t do both safety
– Do not trespass onto private property or go to areas you usually would not if you weren’t playing Pokémon Go
– Be aware and tell your kids about “stranger-danger”. The app may draw strangers together in real life at ‘Pokéstops’
– Parents – be aware of 3rd party software apps claiming to enhance the gaming experience however, these 3rd party apps only gives access to sensitive data – i.e. name, email, calendar

The New York subway had to issue a warning…I mean, seriously? All this GEOINT and they can’t tell all the Pokemons where the subway tracks are?

nyc subway warning pokemon

If a Pokemon makes you jump in front of a train, it’s not the Pokemon’s fault…is it? What if the Pokemon was injected into the system via the API? The developer “didn’t mean” for it to jump on the tracks, it was a bug!

We are entering a brave new world where robots are given driving tests and cellphone accounts. Corporations can never go to jail, they live forever. As long as they have money, it’s almost impossible to shut them down. They created billions of Pokemons. Some of the Pokemons could occasionally lead people to their death. Whose fault was this? The Pokemon was responding to the player – was it acting in self-defense? Would a jury of its peers believe its testimony?



The demons quickly formed pacts with armed robbers, giving them the power to lure suckers with smartphones straight to their guns.

A 21 year old kid in Oregon was stabbed in the real world while playing, but continued on chasing Pokemons rather than seeking medical or police assistance. He wanted to be “the first one to git ’em all”. This reminds me of the end of Hyper-Reality.

21-year old Michael Baker proudly risked his life for chips. beer, and Pokemon
21-year old Michael Baker proudly risked his life for chips. beer, and Pokemon

A 20-year old in SF was tragically murdered in a drive by shooting while playing Pokemon at Ghirardelli Square.

A police body camera shows 4 officers drawings guns on a Pokemon player. mistaking him for a bank robber.

In New York Pokemon stampedes have been causing traffic problems

In Japan it has been linked to 79 road accidents and 1100 traffic infringements. 29 accidents caused injuries, 1 serious. It has now caused 2 fatalities.

The line between the spirit world, the real world, and cyberspace is becoming more blurry, Pokemon players have found dead bodies in San Diego, New Hampshire, and Wyoming. The naughty Pokemons have caused outrage by showing up at Arlington Cemetery, Auschwitz, and the 9/11 Memorial Site.

A woman in Russia claimed she was raped by a Pokemon.

Pokémon themed pornography increased in popularity after the release of the game. xHamster, an adult video streaming website, reported that, within 5 days of the game’s release, Pokémon related terms were the most searched for videos. Another adult video streaming website, Pornhub, reported that Pokémon related searches spiked 136% [Wikipedia]

People just love their Pokemons.

There is a creepy 4chan Internet conspiracy theory about an earlier manifestation of Pokemons, the “Lavender Town Conspiracy”.

A Norwegian village created a Pokemon statue in the real world, trying to get the game developer’s attention because the people of the village have to walk 3-5 miles to their nearest Pokestop to get demons.

Image: UPI
Image: UPI


A number of countries have declared war on Pokemon, defending their citizens from these murderous avatars.

pokeakbarSaudi Arabian religious officials have declared a Fatwa, a Holy War on Pokemons. In fact, it is the re-assertion of an existing 15-year ban on Pokemon demons for being un-Islamic. This raises the possibility of real life jihadi suicide bombers performing attacks, to save the world from infidel Pokemons.

The General Secretariat of the Council of Senior Religious Scholars said it had revived a 2001 decree against a Pokemon card game in response to queries from believers.

The Council argued that the mutations of the creatures in the game, who are given specific powers, amounted to blasphemy by promoting the theory of natural evolution.

“It is shocking that the word ‘evolution’ has been much on the tongues of children,” the fatwa read.

It also said the game contained other elements prohibited by Islamic law, including “polytheism against God by multiplying the number of deities, and gambling, which God has forbidden in the Quran and likened to wine and idols”.

The fatwa added that symbols used in the game promoted Japan’s Shinto religion, Christianity, Freemasonry and “global Zionism“.


The Pokemons are Zionists too? Oi vey!

Israel has actually forbidden its soldiers from playing Pokemon.

KuwaitVietnam, Thailand, and the Phillippines have banned playing Pokemon on government property or royal palaces.

Indonesia’s government is fighting a cold war on 3 fronts: Australia, China, and Pokemons.

It’s stand-up comedy material in Iraq and Qatar, and a major security threat in Egypt.

Bosnia had to warn players about the cheeky demons accidentally forgetting their GEOINT (s)elves and leading people into live minefields.

Image: Amel Emric/Associated Press via BBC
Playing Pokemon next to an active minefield in Bosnia. Image: Amel Emric/Associated Press via BBC

YourNewsWire reported that Russia had banned Pokemon Go for being a CIA spying tool. It is actually quite popular there. President Putin’s Press Secretary issued a stern warning not to come to the Kremlin looking for Pokemons, and they better stay out of voting stations, churches and other peoples property. The Ataman of Cossacks in Russia called the technology Satanic – quite correctly, in my view.

Image: The Guardian
Pokemon players on a sunny Moscow summer’s day Image: The Guardian

Google Maps is restricted in Korea for security reasons, but Pokemon works GREAT at one town right on the North Korean border, where busloads of players are suddenly flocking.

A single cheating asshole got the entire nation of Belgium banned.

Perhaps predictably, the Persian party poopers prohibited Pokemon. I suspect their underground nuclear facilities were being inexplicably infested with rare Pokemon.


It is getting autistic kids out playing with other kids

New York City nightclubs that adopted Pokemon have seen a surge in business. Pokemon bar crawls are the new new thing,

Read this terrific Pokemon Marketing Primer by Terry Gotham

Understand the difference between Lure Modules & Incense. Using these two items is the least complex way to get people in the door at your party, bar or brunch place. For the adultier adults in the room, Lure Modules and Incense are used to “attract” Pokémon to a specific location. Incense attaches to a “trainer” (think, a phone in someone’s pocket) while the Lure Module attaches to a “PokeStop” that not only displays who drops it, but also covers the whole area where the beacon is. They both last 30min, so if you’ve got a 6hr event, you want to make sure one of either is on from open to close. That’s right, your PR budget includes PokeCoin purchases, starting now.


Niantic are gearing up now to unleash the next generation of monsters into the world, including inside virtual reality headsets. New Pokemon enhancements and technology are in high demand from the community, which may soon touch 1 in 40 of the world’s population.

The lab didn’t release everything at once. There is a wearable technology version of the game…coming soon. You can see it in the release trailer above. The technology is ready, they are just waiting for the right marketing opportunity. What a perfect stocking stuffer for Christmas, for the kid of any age who has everything (except all the Pokemons!)

pokeball wrist strap

Although it might not have the same capabilities of taking HD imagery of your surrounding environment, it offers a handy way to be tracked by the NSA for anyone without an iPhone or Android. Players can also be much more discreet assembling their collection of personal demons.

Mashable has a story on what life is like at Level 30
Mashable has a story on what life is like at Level 30


My good friend was recently pointing out to me with disdain the hundreds of Pokemon players at sunset on Laguna Beach. What made this particularly ironic was he had just been telling me how he’d been playing No Man’s Sky until the wee hours of the morning.


The concept is basically the same – explore and collect creatures. The difference is that No Man’s Sky features 18.5 quintillion worlds, all computer generated. As fake as fake can be. There are other players, and if you discover worlds after them you will see their names for planets, places and creatures. However, the chances of actually encountering another player live are negligible. It has now come out that No Man’s Sky wipes your data after two weeks – so much for discovering new worlds and claiming them as your own. This is more like tagging.

joystick tag

Games like this and Minecraft are almost like Pokemon Go in reverse – you are sucked into the machine, your consciousness imprinted within this virtual world; but instead of getting out of the house and running around, you are the ultimate couch potato. Just add bong and cardboard glasses…

cardboard glasses

The first ever Apple logo took its cue from Wordsworth, taking his cue from Newton and his PRISM
“Newton: A Mind Forever Voyaging Through Strange Seas Of Thought, Alone”. The first ever Apple logo took its cue from Wordsworth and occultist Sir Isaac Newton, linked to Trinity College

The prophesied time of the Artilect Apokelypse is now upon us.  Forget waiting until 2045, that was DARPA and the Dalia Lama bringing you a Mind Control trick. The Future Is Now:

Dmitry Itskov, founder of 2045, met His Holiness Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, in his residence in Dharamsala, a small mountain town in northern India.

They discussed the three major steps of 2045 Avatar Project the three major steps of 2045 Avatar Project. First, the creation of a human-like robot dubbed “Avatar A,” and a state-of-the-art brain-computer interface system to link the mind with it. Next, it be created a life support system for the human brain, which connects to the “Avatar A,” turning into “Avatar B.” The third step, named “Avatar C”, is developing an artificial brain in which to transfer one’s individual consciousness with the goal of achieving cybernetic immortality.

dalai lama avatar.jpg
Image: 2045 Avatar


The Flood-gates to the spirit world have been opened, the demons are pouring forth and the first generation are already causing havoc, reaching and tracking almost 2% of the world’s population.

There are more areas yet for us to explore in this invasion of Poké-monsters. It is an occult ritual merger between the physical, virtual, and spirit worlds. Avatars are the interface between our minds, our souls, our bodies, and artificial intelligence databases. A Meta-Mind of all our minds, being mined by marketers – and we don’t mind. Not one bit.

I am reminded of the spirits in Shakespeare‘s The Tempest



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s